Singaporean women are useless because they are less ‘obedient’?
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When I was travelling on the MRT the other day, I overheard a rather disturbing conversation in Hokkien by a group of middle aged folks. Three of them were men and one of them was a woman, apparently the wife of one of the men.
The couple was confiding in their friends about their son’s lack of luck with local women and that they were wondering how to help him look for a suitable wife. One of the friends commented that they should look for one in China and that local women are useless. The other suggested that Vietnamese brides are better as they are more ‘obedient’. Upon much thought, the woman replied to the second suggesting saying that the Vietnamese bride can even help her out with housework.
Now one may wonder why such a conversation disturbs me so much to write a blog post about it. I guess it is not just about the conversation but all the talk about Singaporean women being this and that as well that has combined to make me feel rather uncomfortable.
First of all, I am fed up with the ‘feeling sorry for ourselves’ mentality that some Singaporean men harbour. When things go wrong for them, when they have no luck with local women for whatever reasons, they blame the women.
Indeed, there is a percentage of local women who are really materialistic but equally so are the men. Materialistic women and men exist all over the world and I have met them over the years. They are not predominantly Singaporean or even Asian and their partners have no issue with that at all. Why do I hear constant whining from Singaporean men about this? Do they even seek to look for those who are not? In fact, most of the women I personally know are not as materialistic as often described by the media and disgruntled men.
Secondly, the comment about Vietnamese brides being more ‘obedient’ and can help to do housework is highly degrading in my opinion. According to some of my male friends local women may seem to be more demanding, difficult to please and ‘disobedient’ just because they tend to know what they want and they speak up more often against the men when they are unhappy. Some of my male friends like that, some do not.
Now, what is wrong with women being ‘disobedient’ and vocal? Is a relationship, partnership or a marriage between a man and a woman successful or ideal if it is dominated by a man (‘head of the household’) and obeyed by a woman? From the perspective of a woman, the answer is of course, no. In fact, I do not believe that either men or women should take the domineering role in any forms of partnership because by doing so, they are belittling and disregarding the thoughts and emotions of their partners.
Honestly, I can definitely understand that the group of them are from another generation with a different mindset. However the point of this blog post is to remind those who are reading it that we are in the 21st century where both genders in Singapore are equally well educated and they play equal role in the progress of relationships, families and society. It is time for us to reflect on such a backward mindset and not let it be continually reinforced from generation to generation. Women are not the slaves of men and should not seek to be ‘obedient’ and keep their mouths shut if they have something to express.
So, to those who have no luck with local women, I beseech you to reflect upon yourselves first before putting all the blame to the opposite gender. To the men who do not have such a mindset that seeks to degrade the individuality of women, I thank you!
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